If I had to go into labor right now, with our third child, I would... go naturally.
Tough decision now that I know just how much pain relief the epidural provided! However, what I'm basing my decision on is how amazing I felt immediately after giving birth to Elin.
With Bella & the epidural, it's true, I was comfortable, able to rest & sleep, and the contractions were virtually non-existent (compared to those I felt with Elin), and getting stitched up after was painless. The birth itself was wonderful, I didn't really feel much - they had to tell me what was happening with my own body based on the monitors. Afterward, with the epidural, I wasn't able to get out of bed without major assistance. I essentially remained a patient after delivery; I had to stay on the monitors, keep the IV and fluids going, and require assistance for everything. The numbness in my legs didn't wear off for several hours and even days after, my legs still felt heavy. Bodily functions lagged... no further detail.
With Elin's natural birth, yes, I felt every contraction through to the core of my being & spirit. I felt myself go through every stage of labor. (In retrospect, I also think this was a great & beautiful thing, too.) I felt her head engage and move down. I felt every transition. The instinct to push came on naturally. There was no sleep, there was no rest and I was exhausted. It was a primitive kind of pain. Getting stitches was yet another beast at the end. Here's the beauty of it though, as soon as Elin was delivered - I was no longer a patient. I was just a mom who'd given birth in a hospital. Everything went away - the monitors, the IV, the fluids, the lines, the equipment. I felt like myself immediately after. I was able to get out of bed, move around the room, and take care of myself & Elin on my own shortly after. I felt amazing in comparison to my postpartum state with Bella's birth.
Giving birth without pain medicine was worth every contraction to feel so refreshed, so triumphant, so good after delivery. It just seemed so...natural, so...human, so...normal.
So, yes, I will pass on the epidural with our third (God willing). And, God willing, the third won't be for at least another year or two!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Joyful
I have to say: I quite like - LOVE - our life. To a stranger, there's nothing unique, or extraordinary about it. In fact, it's pretty normal, but still, I want to shout from the mountaintops how much I love our family life. I love the stage Bella is at, I love all the wonder and awe in Elin's eyes, I love where we live, I love our church, I love where we are in our careers - it's all just so good.
ELIN
It's been a month since Elin joined us and I can't quite put my finger on it, but our family feels more...complete. She's so mellow. "They" always say if your first child is tricky, the second is usually easier (and vice versa). She's still sleeping away most of the day, only arousing to quench her thirst and change her underpants. She's packing on the pounds nicely; I'm enjoying the development of rolls on her thighs and her arms. She's pretty much out of her newborn sized attire and almost filling the 0-3 mo. category. I love her increasing awareness. I really enjoy how she looks around as we walk through the house--the wonder & awe.
After a week of searching for childcare, we've found a daycare for her that we're happy with. It's easier this time around to think about daycare, we're more experienced. Having witnessed all the good it's done for Bella and how much she enjoys it, makes it easier to go back to work again. Bella's "BFF", Claire has a newish little sister, too who attends the daycare (she's a couple months older than Elin) and Mindy (their mom) recommends it. When the girls turn one & walking, they'll both go where their big sisters are.
BELLA
Happy to proclaim, she's made the transition back to school this week and has not had any setbacks in the potty department! Woo hoo! It's true (about the potty thing): it just happens, something clicks and they get it. Wish I could've told myself to relax about it.
I really, really enjoyed having Bella home for 3 weeks with us, but I'm also glad she's back in school. She thrives there, in her school routine, learning & playing with her friends. I was beginning to feel like all I was saying to her at home were things like, "Just a minute", "No!" (as she starts to be a little too rough with Elin), or "Not right now, I'm feeding the baby/changing the baby/rocking the baby", etc. Don't get me wrong, Bella was extremely helpful with baby, but it was hard balancing each of their needs well. Plus, it gives me 1 on 1 time with Elin for a few weeks, which she needs as well. Bella was really excited to go back to school and her friends, I'm told, doted over her so much on her first day back - they had really missed her.
CHARLES
Charles resumed his work schedule last week as well and it's really a busy, stressful time for him. The opening of his new emergency department is quickly approaching and it's crunch time. I can see that it's hard for him, trying to balance work & home, so I'm trying to cut him some slack since I'm home.
He's really started working on rebuilding his CJ7 and that gives him great joy. I don't know much about it, but the front wheels are off and there's a new axle involved. Yay?
ME
Again, I'm just happy. Happy to be a mother to two beautiful girls. Happy that the transition from one to two hasn't been that difficult. Happy that our little Town Hall is moving along at a pretty little pace. Life is good.
I had to go into work today to take care of some things (it's true, I can't stay away... I've been responding to emails since week one of my maternity leave) and I brought Elin. Everyone showered us with kind words and compliments (felt really nice). However, there's a lot going on at work and it's hard to be away right now. I'll be jumping into the deep end when I get back!
I can't explain it; I just feel really comfortable in my skin. The ease at which we've brought another child into the world and adjusted to having two is astonishing and is contributing to how great I feel. I'm also without the guilt of going back to work this time. I'm comfortable with the fact that I like having a job and I like what I do. Doesn't mean I love my children any less or that my family isn't my top priority - I'm just the kind of gal that has found a job that is fulfilling & challenging & works with our family life. There are definitely some moms who are super talented at being stay at home moms - they can fill the day with activities, entertain the kiddos all day, come up with crafts, discover places to go - it's just not me. And I'm ok with that. I'm a better mom when I'm working. It feels good to know that.
Maybe I'm just on a hormonal high...
Icing on the Cake...
I've been back in my pre-pregnancy clothes for a couple of weeks... I didn't say that it was easy or that it necessarily looks good... but they're snapped & they're on! Still have a ways to go - can't wait to get more active. (If it could stop raining, I might be able to get out...BUT, rather have rain and 50-60 degree weather than snow!)
Prayer Request...
If you have a moment, please pray for my cousin Joy and her family. They've just had their third, a baby girl named Sophia, at 26 weeks. Joy is home now, but Sophia is steadily making progress in the NICU.
ELIN
It's been a month since Elin joined us and I can't quite put my finger on it, but our family feels more...complete. She's so mellow. "They" always say if your first child is tricky, the second is usually easier (and vice versa). She's still sleeping away most of the day, only arousing to quench her thirst and change her underpants. She's packing on the pounds nicely; I'm enjoying the development of rolls on her thighs and her arms. She's pretty much out of her newborn sized attire and almost filling the 0-3 mo. category. I love her increasing awareness. I really enjoy how she looks around as we walk through the house--the wonder & awe.
After a week of searching for childcare, we've found a daycare for her that we're happy with. It's easier this time around to think about daycare, we're more experienced. Having witnessed all the good it's done for Bella and how much she enjoys it, makes it easier to go back to work again. Bella's "BFF", Claire has a newish little sister, too who attends the daycare (she's a couple months older than Elin) and Mindy (their mom) recommends it. When the girls turn one & walking, they'll both go where their big sisters are.
BELLA
Happy to proclaim, she's made the transition back to school this week and has not had any setbacks in the potty department! Woo hoo! It's true (about the potty thing): it just happens, something clicks and they get it. Wish I could've told myself to relax about it.
I really, really enjoyed having Bella home for 3 weeks with us, but I'm also glad she's back in school. She thrives there, in her school routine, learning & playing with her friends. I was beginning to feel like all I was saying to her at home were things like, "Just a minute", "No!" (as she starts to be a little too rough with Elin), or "Not right now, I'm feeding the baby/changing the baby/rocking the baby", etc. Don't get me wrong, Bella was extremely helpful with baby, but it was hard balancing each of their needs well. Plus, it gives me 1 on 1 time with Elin for a few weeks, which she needs as well. Bella was really excited to go back to school and her friends, I'm told, doted over her so much on her first day back - they had really missed her.
CHARLES
Charles resumed his work schedule last week as well and it's really a busy, stressful time for him. The opening of his new emergency department is quickly approaching and it's crunch time. I can see that it's hard for him, trying to balance work & home, so I'm trying to cut him some slack since I'm home.
He's really started working on rebuilding his CJ7 and that gives him great joy. I don't know much about it, but the front wheels are off and there's a new axle involved. Yay?
ME
Again, I'm just happy. Happy to be a mother to two beautiful girls. Happy that the transition from one to two hasn't been that difficult. Happy that our little Town Hall is moving along at a pretty little pace. Life is good.
I had to go into work today to take care of some things (it's true, I can't stay away... I've been responding to emails since week one of my maternity leave) and I brought Elin. Everyone showered us with kind words and compliments (felt really nice). However, there's a lot going on at work and it's hard to be away right now. I'll be jumping into the deep end when I get back!
I can't explain it; I just feel really comfortable in my skin. The ease at which we've brought another child into the world and adjusted to having two is astonishing and is contributing to how great I feel. I'm also without the guilt of going back to work this time. I'm comfortable with the fact that I like having a job and I like what I do. Doesn't mean I love my children any less or that my family isn't my top priority - I'm just the kind of gal that has found a job that is fulfilling & challenging & works with our family life. There are definitely some moms who are super talented at being stay at home moms - they can fill the day with activities, entertain the kiddos all day, come up with crafts, discover places to go - it's just not me. And I'm ok with that. I'm a better mom when I'm working. It feels good to know that.
Maybe I'm just on a hormonal high...
Icing on the Cake...
I've been back in my pre-pregnancy clothes for a couple of weeks... I didn't say that it was easy or that it necessarily looks good... but they're snapped & they're on! Still have a ways to go - can't wait to get more active. (If it could stop raining, I might be able to get out...BUT, rather have rain and 50-60 degree weather than snow!)
Prayer Request...
If you have a moment, please pray for my cousin Joy and her family. They've just had their third, a baby girl named Sophia, at 26 weeks. Joy is home now, but Sophia is steadily making progress in the NICU.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Bella Baby Photography
Evergreen contracts Bella Baby Photography to do a newborn photo shoot - complimentary! Buying the photos is optional... but who can really say no to buying these first photos?? They turned out great, so we went ahead and bought the CD & rights...
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Elin's Baptismal Day
I Was There to Hear Your Borning CryI was there to hear your borning cry, I'll be there when you are old. I rejoiced the day you were baptized, to see your life unfold. I was there when you were but a child, with a faith to suit you well; In a blaze of light you wandered off to find where demons dwell. When you heard the wonder of the Word I was there to cheer you on; You were raised to praise the living Lord, to whom you now belong. If you find someone to share your time and you join your hearts as one, I'll be there to make your verses rhyme from dusk 'till rising sun. In the middle ages of your life, not too old, no longer young, I'll be there to guide you through the night, complete what I've begun. When the evening gently closes in, and you shut your weary eyes, I'll be there as I have always been with just one more surprise. I was there to hear your borning cry, I'll be there when you are old. I rejoiced the day you were baptized, to see your life unfold.
Elin's baptismal service began with this song and as if on cue, the tears started welling up.
It was an incredibly special day to have Elin begin her life of faith. We were blessed to share it (and our church service) with the Trujillo's and our church family (that we are incredibly fond of). And, in keeping with what seems like tradition, it was a blessing to have PG perform the baptism.
Bella's Three!
I can hardly believe Bella is a whopping THREE years old! We have a three year old. She'd been counting down to her birthday since before Christmas. She would say, "Jesus' birthday, then Lula's birthday, then my birthday!"
As you can imagine, my plan to plan her party didn't really materialize what with working full time, being incredibly uncomfortably pregnant, then having Miss Elin, and then adjusting to life with Elin. So, when Memaw offered up her already purchased luau party supplies and ready-to-go theme, I jumped on it!
On the guest list, of course, was our ABQ family: Jacob, PG, Memaw, and Great-G'ma. Of course her bff's Ravenna & Araya (Josh & Lina) and our extended Seattle family & friends. Grass skirts, necklace & wrist leis, centerpieces, wall decor, butterfly pinata and a Hawaiian lei cake completed our ensemble. Our menu was simple: tropical fruit salad, Hawaiian pizza, chicken dumplings, pina coladas (both virgin and un-virgin), Sweet Onion Hawaiian Chips, tortilla chips with Mango & Peach salsa, Hawaiian rolls... all to fit our tropical theme.
Bella had a GREAT time with her girlfriends. It's so fun to watch them play and at the same time, they can play somewhere in the house completely unsupervised. When one of us checks on them, they insist they are fine and imply that we're intruding on their games! They are at the point where they just play hard until they crash. It's really great to know Bella will grow up with such great friends - they are way too cute together.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Two Weeks
It's been two weeks that we've been a family of FOUR and I have LOVED every minute of it (even those first two nights)...
What has happened these past two weeks?
Well, the milk man took his sweet time to deliver, so Elin and I suffered through the first few nights on minimal sustenance. We caved and gave 1.5 oz. of formula over the course of the first three days to get by... barely enough to make a difference, but sufficient to snag a solid hour of sleep for both of us. By day 5.5, the milk man decided to show up and our nights significantly improved.
Of course, because of the lack of beverage, Elin lost weight and we did the same song & dance we did with Bella... daily weight checks at the doctors. However, I'm happy to report that on day ten, Elin weighed 8 lbs, 4 oz - almost back to birth weight. Crisis averted.
I've examined every detail, every curve, every line of Elin's face, hands, legs, eyes and all I see is God's perfect design. I can't believe I ever worried about having enough LOVE for this little one - how ridiculous - but I couldn't have known.
She's a very different baby, but the same can be said for Charles and I as we are different this time around as well. We're "experienced", we're more confident, less stressed, less easily shaken, more relaxed and I know Elin feeds into and responds to that. She's pretty mellow so far.
She has Asian eyelashes - also known as practically none - and the few that she has are short, stick-straight, and oh so fine. Charles thinks she looks like my brother in a lot of her expressions. Her skin is a shade darker. Her feet are skinny & long. Her legs are "spindly" (as Papa G describes) whereas Bella's were chubby from the start.
Then there are things that are the same: she smells delicious, she's warm and wonderful to cuddle with, her cry is endearing. Her skin is silky, her eyes are big and dark.
And Big Sister Bella? How is she adjusting?
Well. Very, very well. (But every time I tell someone this, they say, "Well, it's only been 2 weeks. Just wait until she realizes that baby sister is sticking around." Or something like that.) Anyway, Bella has nothing but love for little sister, Elin. She voluntarily and spontaneously declares how much she loves Elin. She wants to hold her and does so pretty well. She doesn't mind when I have to hold her (but every moment I'm not holding her, Bella is quick to hijack my lap). Bella talks constantly about sharing with her and doing things with her. She's always concerned about where she is and why she might be crying. My heart feels like it might burst there's so much love.
I'm also proud to say (but hesitant at the same time) that since we've brought Elin home, Bella has made HUGE strides in the potty training department. She has been in undies since we came home from the hospital and has had very few accidents. The last two days have been flawless even as we've been out and about in public places. In the last two days, we haven't had to remind her - she's now telling us on her own accord. Praise God! We're so proud of her. I'm sure it helps that she is rewarded with trips to the pool with daddy! :) Bribery... I know, we're not proud, but it is working...
Papa Goofy arrived on Tuesday to check out the new bambino; Memaw, Great-Grandma Cora, and Uncle Jake arrived late last night. They've come to spend time with the grandkids, celebrate Bella's 3rd birthday (tomorrow), and baptize Elin on Sunday! Busy weekend!
It's been a wonderful and amazing two weeks. We are so blessed!
What has happened these past two weeks?
Well, the milk man took his sweet time to deliver, so Elin and I suffered through the first few nights on minimal sustenance. We caved and gave 1.5 oz. of formula over the course of the first three days to get by... barely enough to make a difference, but sufficient to snag a solid hour of sleep for both of us. By day 5.5, the milk man decided to show up and our nights significantly improved.
Of course, because of the lack of beverage, Elin lost weight and we did the same song & dance we did with Bella... daily weight checks at the doctors. However, I'm happy to report that on day ten, Elin weighed 8 lbs, 4 oz - almost back to birth weight. Crisis averted.
I've examined every detail, every curve, every line of Elin's face, hands, legs, eyes and all I see is God's perfect design. I can't believe I ever worried about having enough LOVE for this little one - how ridiculous - but I couldn't have known.
She's a very different baby, but the same can be said for Charles and I as we are different this time around as well. We're "experienced", we're more confident, less stressed, less easily shaken, more relaxed and I know Elin feeds into and responds to that. She's pretty mellow so far.
She has Asian eyelashes - also known as practically none - and the few that she has are short, stick-straight, and oh so fine. Charles thinks she looks like my brother in a lot of her expressions. Her skin is a shade darker. Her feet are skinny & long. Her legs are "spindly" (as Papa G describes) whereas Bella's were chubby from the start.
Then there are things that are the same: she smells delicious, she's warm and wonderful to cuddle with, her cry is endearing. Her skin is silky, her eyes are big and dark.
And Big Sister Bella? How is she adjusting?
Well. Very, very well. (But every time I tell someone this, they say, "Well, it's only been 2 weeks. Just wait until she realizes that baby sister is sticking around." Or something like that.) Anyway, Bella has nothing but love for little sister, Elin. She voluntarily and spontaneously declares how much she loves Elin. She wants to hold her and does so pretty well. She doesn't mind when I have to hold her (but every moment I'm not holding her, Bella is quick to hijack my lap). Bella talks constantly about sharing with her and doing things with her. She's always concerned about where she is and why she might be crying. My heart feels like it might burst there's so much love.
I'm also proud to say (but hesitant at the same time) that since we've brought Elin home, Bella has made HUGE strides in the potty training department. She has been in undies since we came home from the hospital and has had very few accidents. The last two days have been flawless even as we've been out and about in public places. In the last two days, we haven't had to remind her - she's now telling us on her own accord. Praise God! We're so proud of her. I'm sure it helps that she is rewarded with trips to the pool with daddy! :) Bribery... I know, we're not proud, but it is working...
Papa Goofy arrived on Tuesday to check out the new bambino; Memaw, Great-Grandma Cora, and Uncle Jake arrived late last night. They've come to spend time with the grandkids, celebrate Bella's 3rd birthday (tomorrow), and baptize Elin on Sunday! Busy weekend!
It's been a wonderful and amazing two weeks. We are so blessed!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Elin Hannah Hall
Where do I begin? I've been mentally composing this entry for a week and if my mind were a chalkboard, you would see words crossed out from left to right, top to bottom, clouds of chalk dust furiously flying off the board.
I feel I have an interesting perspective now having had one birth experience with an epidural and one without. (I still can't believe I've had TWO birth experiences, two little girls...) More on this later.
It started on Wednesday after my 40 week check up. Dr. Gong asked, "Do you want me to stir up some trouble?" I nodded, eagerly, in agreement.
Shortly after, the contractions came on, nice and steady. As we sat through dinner at Olive Garden, I had my trusty Contraction Master Application on my iPhone (there's an app for everything!), logging in the contractions every 2-4 minutes. I started having to breathe a little through them. Whatever Dr. Gong did must be working, I thought!
That night we had Josh & Lina pick up Bella again - certain this must be the time. We called the L&D triage and they agreed that it sounds like it might be time! Car loaded, we headed into the hospital. Upon exam, I was found only to be 3.5 cm, unchanged from my afternoon check up. Disappointed, we negotiated to walk for an hour and a half to see if we could get things going. The contractions were still nice & steady, frequent, strong.
Here is where I have to tell you that I doubted whether or not I was the kind of person to have the "drop-to-your-knees-can't-breathe-or-talk" type of contractions. Afterall, with Bella, my pitocin was up to 22 and I could barely feel it. I was convinced that if that was what they wanted to see as a sign of impending delivery, I just wouldn't have it. I told Charles that I thought I had a high pain tolerance... (oh if I only knew what was to come...) Also, I should mention that we wanted to have a natural delivery (i.e. no pain meds), but we were not opposed to augmentation such as pitocin or manual water breaking to get things going a bit faster. If we could just get to 4.5 cm, we would be admitted and we could get things moving right along!
So, back to triage for another exam. Still unchanged. We were sent home. Thursday my contractions waxed and waned throughout the day. I stayed home from work after having been up all night. At some point that day, Mom Z decided she was going to come join in on the fun. Plane ticket was purchased last minute and Charles picked her up at the airport at 0130 Friday morning. Hooray! Memaw was here! In the wee hours of the morning, we showed her around the house, visited briefly, shared Bella's morning routine, and hit the hay.
At 0600 Friday, Dec. 31st, we checked into Evergreen. An hour and a half of admission process. At 0800, IV had been started and pitocin started dripping away at 2 U/ml. My contractions continued, gradually getting stronger. Totally tolerable. I'm telling Charles and my nurse that I think I have a high pain tolerance, again, with Bella, I had received pitocin at alarmingly high doses and had felt little. Dr. Gong arrived and did an exam an hour or so later and offered to break my water. I said, "Sure, let's get things going! I'm ready to meet this baby!" She broke my water (again I was shocked - AMAZED - at how much water there is!) and notched up the pitocin to 3 u/ml. Around 1000, we turned up the pitocin to 4 and I was really starting to feel them. I always told myself that I wouldn't be a moaner, that I would breathe and labor silently. But honestly, I was getting pretty loud at this point. I was laughing at myself for thinking that I wouldn't have those "hit-the-ground" kind of contractions, but here I was feeling like my body was not my own as it did what it was made to do. The contractions stopped me mid-sentence and to my surprise, almost brought me to my knees. My pitocin was eventually turned up to 5 u/ml and my contractions were on top of each other. I begged for a break - from who, I don't know - how, I don't know - but I was pleading for rest. Charles says I was pretty funny, asking for a break, debating on turning the pitocin down myself (we use the same pumps at Children's)... I was in and out of bed, the rocking chair, and swaying with Charles.
All the while, my nurse, Kerstin, was AMAZING. I felt like I had my own personal nurse, doula, champion, coach, friend. She was with us from admission through the birth. She encouraged, supported, breathed right along with me. She didn't leave the room but twice. When she did, she left an equally amazing nurse in her place. I couldn't have asked for a better team. Dr. Gong checked on us frequently, also encouraging and supportive, helping me transition from place to place around the room.
Finally, the contractions were so strong and relentless they started notching it down 1 unit at a time. I have to be honest, it helped to vocalize. I laugh now, thinking that I could labor in silence. Ha! Bella and Memaw had checked in with us sometime between 3 and 4 units of pitocin. They didn't stay long as Charles and I didn't want Bella to really see me in the state that I was in. They roamed the hospital, Memaw knowing that I was close... they stayed nearby.
I asked Dr. Gong for an estimate of when she thought I'd give birth and she said sometime between noon and two in the afternoon. That gave me some encouragement, but even though I didn't want to hold onto that time frame, I held onto it for dear life.
The pitocin had been turned off, but my body knew what to do. Just before noon they checked me again and I was entering the transition phase - the part of labor known for being the most difficult, the most painful. I was 7 cm. I was encouraged by the fact that transition is the most difficult, but also the shortest phase of labor. They began bringing all the equipment into the room which further reassured me that the time was coming. Then again, I wondered if that was just the purpose - keep me focused on the end.
Around 1230, she checked me again as I reported feeling like I wanted to push. 10 cm!!!!! Everyone quickly sprang into action, I moved back into the bed. Everyone assumed their positions: Charles at my left, Kerstin on my right, Dr. Gong front and center, an additional nurse to help with baby.
9 minutes and 3 contractions was all it took to bring little Elin into the world. I pushed 5 times. 9 minutes - I can't get over it.
Elin crowned and then stopped. They said to wait for the next contraction, but it seemed like FOREVER before the next one. I panicked out loud that I didn't think there'd be another one, so Dr. Gong said I could try to push without one. Charles says I pushed so hard at the go ahead he worried I wouldn't breathe and that I would pass out. With that one last push, I felt Elin come the rest of the way and I was elated. Exhausted. Excited. Never did have that last contraction.
I heard Dr. Gong tell Charles to look to see if we'd had a boy or a girl. He checked and almost said what the baby was. Then he checked again to be sure, before announcing that we'd had a little girl: Elin.
She was on my belly in a split second and crying vigorously - the sweet, sweet sound of crying. Love. More love than I could have imagined. Charles was so moved by all of it, he actually said, "We have to have more." Everything else went smoothly after: the check up, the bath, the shots, etc, etc, etc.
Memaw and Bella came back. We told Bella that the baby had come out and she responded, "Oh good, now you can pick me again like daddy!" Oh, to be a big sister.
Josh, Lina & the girls came that night, sparkling cider in hand (as well as my favorite thai food). Some big wigs stopped by and dropped off real champagne. It was a celebration; the mood & spirit in the room reflected that. I felt amazing. Elin was perfect. Couldn't have asked for more and wouldn't change a thing. It was our perfect birth.
And that is Elin's birth story.
I feel I have an interesting perspective now having had one birth experience with an epidural and one without. (I still can't believe I've had TWO birth experiences, two little girls...) More on this later.
It started on Wednesday after my 40 week check up. Dr. Gong asked, "Do you want me to stir up some trouble?" I nodded, eagerly, in agreement.
Shortly after, the contractions came on, nice and steady. As we sat through dinner at Olive Garden, I had my trusty Contraction Master Application on my iPhone (there's an app for everything!), logging in the contractions every 2-4 minutes. I started having to breathe a little through them. Whatever Dr. Gong did must be working, I thought!
That night we had Josh & Lina pick up Bella again - certain this must be the time. We called the L&D triage and they agreed that it sounds like it might be time! Car loaded, we headed into the hospital. Upon exam, I was found only to be 3.5 cm, unchanged from my afternoon check up. Disappointed, we negotiated to walk for an hour and a half to see if we could get things going. The contractions were still nice & steady, frequent, strong.
Here is where I have to tell you that I doubted whether or not I was the kind of person to have the "drop-to-your-knees-can't-breathe-or-talk" type of contractions. Afterall, with Bella, my pitocin was up to 22 and I could barely feel it. I was convinced that if that was what they wanted to see as a sign of impending delivery, I just wouldn't have it. I told Charles that I thought I had a high pain tolerance... (oh if I only knew what was to come...) Also, I should mention that we wanted to have a natural delivery (i.e. no pain meds), but we were not opposed to augmentation such as pitocin or manual water breaking to get things going a bit faster. If we could just get to 4.5 cm, we would be admitted and we could get things moving right along!
So, back to triage for another exam. Still unchanged. We were sent home. Thursday my contractions waxed and waned throughout the day. I stayed home from work after having been up all night. At some point that day, Mom Z decided she was going to come join in on the fun. Plane ticket was purchased last minute and Charles picked her up at the airport at 0130 Friday morning. Hooray! Memaw was here! In the wee hours of the morning, we showed her around the house, visited briefly, shared Bella's morning routine, and hit the hay.
At 0600 Friday, Dec. 31st, we checked into Evergreen. An hour and a half of admission process. At 0800, IV had been started and pitocin started dripping away at 2 U/ml. My contractions continued, gradually getting stronger. Totally tolerable. I'm telling Charles and my nurse that I think I have a high pain tolerance, again, with Bella, I had received pitocin at alarmingly high doses and had felt little. Dr. Gong arrived and did an exam an hour or so later and offered to break my water. I said, "Sure, let's get things going! I'm ready to meet this baby!" She broke my water (again I was shocked - AMAZED - at how much water there is!) and notched up the pitocin to 3 u/ml. Around 1000, we turned up the pitocin to 4 and I was really starting to feel them. I always told myself that I wouldn't be a moaner, that I would breathe and labor silently. But honestly, I was getting pretty loud at this point. I was laughing at myself for thinking that I wouldn't have those "hit-the-ground" kind of contractions, but here I was feeling like my body was not my own as it did what it was made to do. The contractions stopped me mid-sentence and to my surprise, almost brought me to my knees. My pitocin was eventually turned up to 5 u/ml and my contractions were on top of each other. I begged for a break - from who, I don't know - how, I don't know - but I was pleading for rest. Charles says I was pretty funny, asking for a break, debating on turning the pitocin down myself (we use the same pumps at Children's)... I was in and out of bed, the rocking chair, and swaying with Charles.
All the while, my nurse, Kerstin, was AMAZING. I felt like I had my own personal nurse, doula, champion, coach, friend. She was with us from admission through the birth. She encouraged, supported, breathed right along with me. She didn't leave the room but twice. When she did, she left an equally amazing nurse in her place. I couldn't have asked for a better team. Dr. Gong checked on us frequently, also encouraging and supportive, helping me transition from place to place around the room.
Finally, the contractions were so strong and relentless they started notching it down 1 unit at a time. I have to be honest, it helped to vocalize. I laugh now, thinking that I could labor in silence. Ha! Bella and Memaw had checked in with us sometime between 3 and 4 units of pitocin. They didn't stay long as Charles and I didn't want Bella to really see me in the state that I was in. They roamed the hospital, Memaw knowing that I was close... they stayed nearby.
I asked Dr. Gong for an estimate of when she thought I'd give birth and she said sometime between noon and two in the afternoon. That gave me some encouragement, but even though I didn't want to hold onto that time frame, I held onto it for dear life.
The pitocin had been turned off, but my body knew what to do. Just before noon they checked me again and I was entering the transition phase - the part of labor known for being the most difficult, the most painful. I was 7 cm. I was encouraged by the fact that transition is the most difficult, but also the shortest phase of labor. They began bringing all the equipment into the room which further reassured me that the time was coming. Then again, I wondered if that was just the purpose - keep me focused on the end.
Around 1230, she checked me again as I reported feeling like I wanted to push. 10 cm!!!!! Everyone quickly sprang into action, I moved back into the bed. Everyone assumed their positions: Charles at my left, Kerstin on my right, Dr. Gong front and center, an additional nurse to help with baby.
9 minutes and 3 contractions was all it took to bring little Elin into the world. I pushed 5 times. 9 minutes - I can't get over it.
Elin crowned and then stopped. They said to wait for the next contraction, but it seemed like FOREVER before the next one. I panicked out loud that I didn't think there'd be another one, so Dr. Gong said I could try to push without one. Charles says I pushed so hard at the go ahead he worried I wouldn't breathe and that I would pass out. With that one last push, I felt Elin come the rest of the way and I was elated. Exhausted. Excited. Never did have that last contraction.
I heard Dr. Gong tell Charles to look to see if we'd had a boy or a girl. He checked and almost said what the baby was. Then he checked again to be sure, before announcing that we'd had a little girl: Elin.
She was on my belly in a split second and crying vigorously - the sweet, sweet sound of crying. Love. More love than I could have imagined. Charles was so moved by all of it, he actually said, "We have to have more." Everything else went smoothly after: the check up, the bath, the shots, etc, etc, etc.
Memaw and Bella came back. We told Bella that the baby had come out and she responded, "Oh good, now you can pick me again like daddy!" Oh, to be a big sister.
Josh, Lina & the girls came that night, sparkling cider in hand (as well as my favorite thai food). Some big wigs stopped by and dropped off real champagne. It was a celebration; the mood & spirit in the room reflected that. I felt amazing. Elin was perfect. Couldn't have asked for more and wouldn't change a thing. It was our perfect birth.
And that is Elin's birth story.
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