Fil-Am

I've been struggling to start this post for some time now, essentially since our last visit to Rockford. The effort was renewed after my family's visit here. It has many tangents, questions, and points - all intertwined into an entry that I just can't formulate.

The question is: How do I give my children the cultural inheritance, knowledge, and appreciation of being Filipino, when I, myself didn't have any of those things until much later in life? And, now that I'm here, wanting to give my children those things, I'm completely removed from all the things that represent the Filipino side of me.

I suppose that's the challenge of growing up, first-generation, in America. My parents moved here, hoping to give us all the opportunities that come with growing up in the U.S. Without ever having been here, my mother packed up her few belongings and set herself on a journey that she couldn't possibly imagine. Not to mention, she left her husband behind after only a short time of marriage, to start the citizenship application process that could take many months. (I feel fortunate that my mom's dad served in the U.S. Military and therefore she and her siblings were "given" U.S. Citizenship and could come over easily to America.) It's the classic immigrant story - one that I admire and can appreciate.

Growing up, I was exposed to everything "American" through school, while at home, I was raised in a very traditional Filipino household. I was teased for all the stereotypical Asian things - knowing karate (which I don't), my slanted eyes, playing the violin (which I don't), being short, brown-skinned, being good at math (which I'm not), and of course speaking funny (which I didn't). It all seems incredibly silly - but at the time, I was very sensitive about it all. It's hard to distinguish now, but I suppose it was a combination of purposeful act and subconscious act that I clung to all things "American" - activities, language, expectations, childhood - and ignored all things Filipino. Maybe I didn't ignore, but I certainly didn't embrace it, either.

I can't imagine that raising me was easy for my parents. In their eyes, I probably rebelled against Filipino child-rearing principles and insisted on being allowed to do the things the other kids were doing. They struggled between wanting me to have "normal" childhood/teen experiences and their own comfort level.

I didn't really have any Filipino school friends and I never did date a Filipino boy -- both of which would have made my parents so much more comfortable through it all. Instead, I found myself surrounded by blond-haired, blue eyed kids year after year. If you look at every picture of me and friends, dates, dances - I'm always the only Asian chic. I never learned to cook traditional Filipino dishes and I didn't learn to speak the language. Filipino history? Nope, didn't learn that either. (Yikes! I'm a disgrace!)

So, anyway, in my adulthood and growing maturity, I've begun to realize the importance of my Filipino heritage. My last few visits with my family have been wonderful - quirky, but wonderful - and I just wish Bella (and BH2, 3, and 4) could grow up around them and be immersed in the culture. Maybe they'd have a chance at learning the Filipino cuisine or learning the language.

So, it's one of my new missions - must. learn. to. be. more. Filipino. So that I can give some "Pinoy pride" to my kids.

I Smile Every Time...

...She says, "Mommy, you have my sister in your tummy. I better go in there and find her!"

...She exclaims, "Mommy!" When she sees me.

...She greets me in the morning with, "I'm so glad to see you, mommy!"

...She says, "No, mommy not like that (tha-at, two syllables)!" when I pretend wrong.

...She wants to kiss her sister and talk to her...

...She says, "Excuse me, I'm talking now!" to get our attention.

...She puts her stethoscope up to my tummy to listen to her sister. When I ask her what she hears, she says, "Goo Goo Ga Ga".

...She makes herself laugh...

...She imitates my laugh (thanks to her daddy)...

...She's confirms things nowadays by saying, "Yes, yes I am"when I say "You're cute, funny or a good helper" or "Yes, yes it is" when I tell her what something is. And she says it so seriously!

...She steps away from her food and tells me, "Don't eat my food!"

Let's be honest, I can't be around her without smiling and laughing! She's turning out be quite the comedian and performer these days.

Bella's First Haircut

Finished & salon spectacular...

All done!

Ready for my First Haircut!

We've avoided getting Bella's hair cut all this time simply because we LOVED her long, curly locks. We've heard so many stories of how little girls get their curly hair cut, only to have straight hair the rest of their lives. However, Bella's hair was getting increasingly difficult to brush through and it was not enjoyable for any of us. So, we agreed to cutting off 2-3 inches to even out the back and get rid of her dry ends. To the untrained eye, it probably looks like we didn't do much, but I can already tell the difference. Her hair looks healthier, tidier, and it's already less of a birds' nest! Win, win.

Tall Enough!

It's just about time for my favorite season: FALL! With it comes some of my favorite activities: fairs, apple picking, pumpkin farms, and trick-or-treating! We went to the Evergreen State Fair last night and lo' and behold, Bella was tall enough (just over 36") to go on the kids' rides all by herself! To top it off, as we approached the ticket booth a family on the way out handed us 18 ride tickets! Yahoo! Bella was delighted as she rode the rides (mostly car rides) and we were tickled to see our "baby" take on the fair rides by herself. What a big girl! She did so well and behaved like a good girl the entire time - we're so thankful to have such a polite young girl for a daughter.

Spinning Makes Little Girls Fall Over & go Bump

We picked up Bella pictured above the other day. Apparently, she was spinning and spinning and then fell over and smacked her head on the corner of a wooden bench. She earned herself a forehead and nose laceration and she was so excited to tell us all about it when she got home!

2010 School Pictures

Just some teasers. Bella's teacher, Nathan, is a new-ish photographer trying to build his portfolio and start a freelance photography business. I was hoping for the same quality of photos we got last year, and I think he more than succeeded in capturing sweet Bella. He also gave us a CD of 20+ pictures he's taken of Bella over the last year - we loved it.

Illinois to the Pacific Northwest

View all

Get your own

Last year, my aunt mentioned she and my Uncle would be visiting out here in August 2010. Over the course of the year, one more aunt & uncle, my parents, two family friends, and an aunt & uncle from L.A. joined the bandwagon. None of them had been out to the Pacific Northwest before. I just knew this would be my opportunity to show them what they didn't know existed in the U.S. To me, the Seattle area is most like the Philippines compared to anywhere else in the U.S. I'm not sure how a group of Filipinos, water-loving and nestled in the mountains, as they were in the Philippines, ended up in land-locked Illinois. Who knows?! Needless to say, I was excited about their visit. The week prior, I readied the house by setting up air mattresses, borrowing an air mattress, washing sheets and spreads, and cleaning. Eight overnight guests is no easy task, but as my mom put it, they're all "cowboys & cowgirls"-- they didn't need fancy accommodations. They arrived Sunday morning at 6 a.m. and I welcomed them with a HUGE breakfast spread. They all rested after their 2.5 day drive, showered, and we were all on the road again. They had planned to stay most of the week at my Aunt & Uncle's in Bremerton since they could take the week off of work to show them around. I knew that they would show them the enticing side of living in the PacNW and the things that appeal to my Filipino family: fishing, crabbing, clamming & oystering.

The entire group reunited at our house on Thursday night to prepare a traditional Filipino feast (and stock Charles and I up with food to fill our Filipino-food appetites for a couple of weeks). Josh, Lina & Kids came over as well to partake as they usually do when my mom is here. A couple of my Uncle's friends also came to eat. When family is here, our home is their home. It was a loud and enjoyable evening. Alas, we retired relatively early as we planned on heading up to Vancouver the next morning.

Despite my doubt, my entire family was up, showered, and ready by 7 a.m. the following morning (good thing we have 3 full bathrooms!) and we were on the road to Vancouver in three cars. We spent the day exploring the big tourist sites, Chinatown, Stanley Park, and the Richmond Night Market. Charles and I wanted to stay longer, so my parents stayed with us and everyone headed back to Bremerton. We enjoyed the Richmond Night Market, now a much smaller and easier to travel group. There we experienced a strong Asian influence with quite eclectic food fair. Vancouver proved to be quite an international city, surrounded by water and mountains. We'll definitely head that way again soon. The aquarium is supposed to be one of the best in the world.

The Orats & the Halls stayed in Mill Creek for the night, but in the morning we were off to Bremerton again for some oystering. My family behaved as kids in a candy store when they saw the oyster covered shore. They'd never seen anything like it. They quickly filled coolers and buckets with fresh oysters, eating a few here & there. It was fun to see how excited they were. For the rest of the afternoon, we ate...and ate...and ate some more. (I was in Filipino-food Heaven!) Unfortunately, that evening we had to say our good-byes...until next time. I'm told the whole drive back to Illinois there was all sorts of plans to move out here. I'll believe it when one of them puts their house on the market.

BH2 Ultrasound in Motion

Walkin' in Memphis

If it hadn't been for the pool, the best host & hostess, and meeting our amazing new nephew, I don't know if I would have survived the heat. As I was leaving the airport, the sliding glass doors parted, and this thing, this blanket of heat swept over me and I just about got back on the plane. I really didn't know how I'd survive the week, let alone do anything outdoors. It's true, I love Seattle that much more...I love it's 70 degree and sunny summers, I love the mild weather year-round...

So, despite almost vomiting due to the heat, I reunited with my two loves, Charles and Bella and went "walking in Memphis". (I intend to completely overuse that quote.) I had taken an overnight flight and was able to sleep for the 7 hour leg from LAX to Memphis. Yes, I was a bit tired, a bit gross, and A LOT sweaty, but how could we pass up Graceland during Elvis week? We did the mansion tour and explored the property. My favorite part was walking in the Hall of Gold Records among many other Elvis fans when Bella asked (loudly), "But, where's ELVIS?" An older lady chuckled, smiled, and responded, "Honey, he's not here, but someone just saw him in Michigan!" Too funny... and a little bit quirky.

After dutifully checking off Graceland on my "Things to do in Memphis" list, we ventured on to the Bergeson's to meet up with the rest of the family. Talk about Southern Hospitality! We had the greatest time staying with them with all the Swanson's. Bella LOVED all the attention from her Uncles and swimming every day. Her tan lines are so incredibly significant, but like her mama, she doesn't burn apparently. This trip was vacation at its best: I didn't have to cook a single meal, I napped whenever I wanted, Bella had plenty of people to entertain and look after her, and I was poolside for the most part if I wasn't napping or eating. To top it all off, I got to hold 6 week old Josiah and spend time with family. There was plenty of BBQ and ribs to go around. The only other thing on my "Things to do in Memphis" list was go to Beale street, which we accomplished the Sunday before we left. We got some quality time with the Monty's, Beth & Josiah, so Beale street was that much better. Who'd a thought I'd walk on Beale 20 weeks pregnant and with my 2.5 year old? By the end of the trip, Bella was calling me "Mamaw" like a sweet Southern Belle...so impressionable and sweet.

BH2 Half Way

All is well with BH2! Measuring right on target. Ultrasound looks good. Still pretty amazing the second time around. Can you fall in love 3 times? I think I did just that today! Ultrasound lady said she was able to determine the gender, but kept it to herself as asked.

The Weight

…and responsibility of parenting has really been on my mind lately. The magnitude of this job, really, is just unbelievable and magnificent.

Bella is growing up so rapidly. She’s this little person who interjects, interrupts, who ponders before decisions, who has preferences, who says things like “Xyz is my favorite” and “I Love xyz”, who rationalizes, who offers opinions. She instructs, she constructs, she plans, she role plays. And, in no time, she’ll be flying the coop to conquer the world if she’s anything like her parents.

This sounds all crazy-worry-mommy-like, but really, Charles said it the other day, we’ve got 15.5 years to equip her with everything she needs to be an independent, positive, strong, God-fearing, good person. There are things like us wanting her to be able to defend herself, cook for herself, stand up for herself, change her own tires – trivial things when really what’s most important is that she continues to nurture her relationship with Christ. 15.5 years is no time at all in the big scheme of things and considering how fast time has already passed.

What does this mean and how do we create the desire in her to want to be this God-fearing, good person? How do we foster her desire to make day-to-day decisions so she'll live the way God wants her to live?

Good thing we’re not parenting alone. Charles and I had a long talk about this last night and I’ve been praying about it – and the bottom line is, it’s not just Charles and I raising Bella, we’ve got a third parent--Jesus--in all of this. What a blessing.

In my search for enlightening parenting articles, God led me to this really great article that described four cornerstones to creating this “want to” in our children. To summarize:

• Kids today need to hear that there are absolutes when it comes to right and wrong. And when they do, they'll want to know more about what is right and what is truth.
• Next is the concept of rewards and consequences. We need to teach them decisions really matter. The impact of good decisions needs to be stressed as much or more than the consequences of sin, or you run the risk of just scaring kids.
• Reveal to kids how the world is constantly trying to influence their choices and desires.
• For kids to truly want the truth of the Bible to guide their lives, they must see it as the obvious place to go. How you position the Bible will make all the difference in the world as to whether kids embrace or ignore Scripture.

Sound simple? It could be if I could just submit it to God instead of constantly worrying about it!

The children’s message at church today seemed directed at putting my mind at ease. Pastor talked to the kids about the inheritance that they would receive from us as their parents. He joked about maybe a special watch, the house, tons of cash (ha! Or debt?!)—but he said we were already leaving them a HUGE—and the most important--inheritance just by bringing them to church to hear God’s word. Imagine that! We are doing something right!

The bump!

18 weeks

16 weeks

It feels silly to always be asking Charles to take pictures of my bump--especially since I want it "just so". Something about taking them myself on the iPhone makes me still feel petite!

Snippets

Every day we get reminders from either Bella or others of how fast time is flying by and how fast she is growing up! I've recently just finished her baby books and those, also, served as a reminder of how much she's changed and how much our lives have changed!

Here are some snippets:

Scene: car ride back home from camping.
Bella: Mommy, can I watch Dora & Boots?
Me: No, not right now.
Bella: Daddy? Can I watch Dora & Boots?
Charles: Bella, your mother said no.

(Charles and I then had a good laugh about how she's already starting to work each of us separately. Clever little thing she is. She'll soon figure out it's much more effective if we're not in the same room...)

Scene: Beach Camping in 50-60 degree weather all weekend.
Bella: Mommy, can I go swimming?
Me: When the sun comes up, we can go swimming. (Knowing full well that the sun wouldn't come up all weekend.)
Scene: The rest of the weekend the sun came up.
Bella: Mommy, the sun came up, can we go swimming now? (She now asks every time the sun is out...)

Scene: Picking up Bella this afternoon from daycare. She's running around with her three buddies Evie, Claire, and Mia. I walk up and watch, waiting for her to notice me.
Bella's teacher: (Tells me about the day) Oh, it's fun to watch them play. They're such a clique. If I don't separate them as far as possible, they talk all through nap time!
Me: A clique, huh?
Bella: Oh yeah, today they were all about princesses and babies. They're inseparable.

Signs of things to come!

Camping and a Wedding, July 30-Aug 1

View all

Get your own

What I love so much about this amazing state is you can travel just a few hours away and feel like you're in a different country, a different world. This state has so much to offer and we can't get enough of exploring it year-round.

We escaped on Friday towards the Edmonds-Kingston Ferry to head to our final destination: Clallum County where our friends would get married. What a beautiful setting! What a unique wedding weekend: they had all of their friends and family camp out nearby the ceremony site for the weekend where all sorts of fun ensued. It was also a unique wedding because Aaron (Hoobie) is a Makah Indian who has incredible roots in the area. So there were traditional Makah ceremonies at the reception. What an amazing and proud culture! It was truly touching to hear their speeches.

There was lamb roasting and traditional Salmon bakes. The kids had an incredible time. I had a great time--the scenery and the kids having so much fun really just made my weekend.

We drove up to Cape Flattery which occupies America's northernmost point, and is acclaimed as one of the most beautiful spots on the Makah Indian Reservation. From the newly renovated cedar-planked trail and five observation perches, sightseers may catch a glimpse of otters, sea lions, seals and whales, or just get a flattering view of the historic cape. There are also fantastic views of the forbidden Tatoosh Island, the former Makah fishing and whaling camp.

It was a great weekend. There are too many place we want to take all of our family & friends--so start planning on visiting!

Our Last Camping Trip: Dosewallips State Park June 2010

Camping

View Larger Map

This is where we are going camping this weekend: Neah Bay!

Pregnancy Time

It’s interesting how time passes when you’re pregnant. Depending on how you look at it, it can be going as slow as molasses and other times, it seems to be flying by. All in one run on sentence yesterday, I thought, “I’m basically half way, 10 more weeks until I’m 30 weeks--which is just about done--but I guess 10 more weeks is like 2.5 more months and then I’ve still really got 2.5 more months after that, so I guess I’ve still got a long way to go.” Fast to slow in 3 seconds. Hmm.

People around work have just started to notice the bump despite the baggy scrubs. One person asked me rather perfectly so as to not stick her foot in her mouth if I was not indeed pregnant: “Are you expanding your family in the next year or so?” I thought this was brilliant—I’ve never had it worded this way. Yesterday, though, someone else was not quite so clever: “Are you having a baby (as she reached for my bump)?” I wish I’d said no…I’ve always wanted to do that! But, the telling smile crept over my face and the game was over before it began. So, the news is out at work—what a relief. There’s something in the water around here though—seems there is a growing number of us who are expanding the families. I wasn’t the first and the number keeps rising.

I’m feeling good and looking forward to the 20 week anatomy-scan ultrasound mid-August. No, we are not going to find out—the surprise was too fun last time. No, we are not going to share the names we have picked out. Sorry, mom(s). With Bella, I was absolutely convinced we were having a boy—not that I was disappointed, I was just shocked! I had been certain. Yesterday, Charles asked me if I had a “mother’s intuition” type hunch. No. I suppose I was so jolted by having been wrong that I haven’t assumed that I can possibly have even a hunch or a feeling this time! What will be, will be and what we’ll be is amazed and blessed beyond words.

Passport Photo

We're planning a weekend jaunt to Canada at the end of August, so we took Bella to get her passport card yesterday. We had just come from the pool and she had fallen asleep in the car. So, I woke her up, dragged her in, smoothed out her pool hair, and the lady snapped her photo! Well, for the next 5 years this will be her mug shot!

Isabella Grace

These pictures remind me of how my "baby Bella" is turning into a little girl. I'm not sure what it is about the pictures, the angles, the clothes, the accessories, the hair...that makes her look like a little girl. Or, maybe, it's the truth in pictures. My "baby" isn't so much a baby anymore...until I catch a glimpse of it in pictures every now and then, I still see my baby, and I suppose I always will.

Her vocabulary and speech is phenomenal. She occasionally says things to me in Spanish that she's picked up from school (or Dora)...good thing I took spanish otherwise I'd have no idea what she was saying! Several weeks ago she was trying to get Charles and I to move faster. So she took my hand and said, "Vamanos, mommmy!" I looked at Charles and said, "Did you catch that?" We had a good laugh. Just a few weeks ago, she was trying to put her shoes away in her basket and she got stuck, so she said, "Ayudame, mommy!" (Help me, mommy") Amazing.

Her memory seems to be developing at lightning speeds. She remembers what we did and what we call things and where we stayed. She recalls words and patterns and routines. She insists on doing most things independently and she can accomplish most of what she sets out to do on her own.

She loves her baby Sally. (Charles came up with the name.) For a girl who never had a comfort item (a soothie, a paci, or a blanket), she really seems to be clinging to this baby of hers. She has to tuck Sally in just so and if I lay the blanket on Sally wrong, she says, "No not this way mommy. This way (as she redoes it)". Sally sits down at her table for coloring or coffee. Sally goes for rides in her stroller. Sally gets fed an assortment of items from Bella.

Bella has a love/hate relationship with the sun and the beach. She LOVES going to the pool and the beach, but she gets sooooo heat exhausted and crabby shortly after. We've been spending a lot of time outdoors and enjoying water play with the weather being so cooperative lately.

She's sweet and affectionate. She purposefully says "I love you" and "I love you, too". When I went to wake her up yesterday, I crawled in her bed and snuggled, and she just wrapped her little, warm arms around my neck and scooted closer. She loves to give us kisses and hugs and play. She's gentle and cooperative (most of the time).

She's pretty amazing. She just needs to use the flippin' potty.

For Beth!

I've often found myself wanting to go back to the old website to follow along and compare current state to past state, but with the site down, it's been cumbersome to get the CD out and load it. So, I took the time to copy & paste onto another blog account so that I could easily refer to it. Voila, in just a few minutes I can easily go and compare notes (and size)...

Also, for Beth, who also likes to go back and refer now that she has her own bundle of joy! Congratulations!

So, you'll find the link to the right under blogs... Chas and Aubs! Enjoy!