Delivering

So, many moons ago when I first got this job I said that I would tell y'all more about it. Well here it is. I'm making good on that.

Disclaimer: It is a blessing to be among the employed, I know.

When I left the Navy, I left with something I absolutely lacked upon entering the Navy: leadership. The Navy put me in leadership positions almost immediately and I grew to love it. In these roles, I learned something new about myself, grew in ways I didn’t know I could, and did things I never thought possible. I liked being part of the change rather than just affected by change. I liked making the decisions rather than having decisions thrust unto me. I liked being a resource, a “go-to” person, someone who could get things done. I started off as a night charge nurse, then the day charge nurse, then the infection control officer. When I moved to the PACU, I started as a night charge, then a day charge, then the department educator. I secretly loved it.

When I left the Navy, I couldn't take the leadership roles with me, but I most certainly left with a new skill and fondness for "authority". I don’t always admit it (and in fact, I usually deny it up and down) and sometimes I claim to dislike the responsibility, but it’s true. I started working at NIH and I missed the uniform that gave me recognition, which said without having to demonstrate it: I’m a leader, experienced, knowledgeable; I’ve earned this title. Instead, I was in scrubs looking like I was fresh out of nursing school – in a sea of other aqua green scrubs. After some time, I became the charge nurse and resumed some of the old “leadership” responsibilities. It only partially satisfied the career woman in me.

When we moved to Seattle, I took some time off – partially voluntarily/partially not – to get us settled, moved in and what not. As much as I had wanted to try to be a stay at home mom, I soon realized that I missed having a job, work responsibilities, leadership. After 4 months of staying at home, I was more than ready to join the workforce again. I started at ground level again as a staff nurse, but as usual, I gravitated towards a position of leadership, the charge. Eventually, I began to receive more and more encouragement (from peers, my boss, and mostly from Charles) to seek out the next step: management and/or department educator. In the civilian nursing world, these are earned by credibility and length of service. In other words, you had to do your time (as opposed to the Navy where they give it to you and let you either sink or swim). Little did I know, my resume and short lived time at SCH had already spoken volumes and I was sighted for my dream job: PACU manager AND educator. Leadership and teaching – my perfect combination. I donned my favorite suit and went through a rigorous interview process – panels, medical chiefs, surgeons, anesthesiologists, other managers, those who would be my direct reports (probably the hardest interview of them all).

So here I am, in my short career, a department manager and educator. Somewhat unheard of. My responsibilities include, but are not limited to, the operations of the department, the staff, their evaluations, hiring/firing, education and training, competencies, regulatory and best practices, among many other things.

The job comes with many ups and downs, challenges that may be unique to me being as young as I am, and difficulties because my foundation is from the military where things and people have "good order and discipline." And, it’s a lonely place to be when you’re young in your career. My colleagues have children older than me and have been in nursing longer than I’ve been alive. Those that are my age are now “my employees” (I hate saying that)…and so blurring the lines of boss and friend is something I do not want to bring upon myself.

The upsides are that I’m where I want to be (most days), in a leadership role, being a part of the change rather than change being enforced upon me. I get to be on the committees that are deciding policies and procedures for the entire hospital, I’m in the know when things are coming our way, I’m learning how things get done on a larger scale within the organization. However, I’m also on the hot seat when things don’t go as planned. And trust me, it burns.

The hardest things I’m contending with are both with myself and with others. I keep having to remind myself that out of my department of 50+ nurses, I can’t possibly please everyone. I may roll something out that certain people don’t like and they let me (and others) know – some more kindly than others. I have to stick to my ground. I have to deal with possibly not being liked – which is hard when I like being liked.

Someone is always going to have something to say.

What defines me as a leader is my response.